Armed response The Wallabies discovered the other side of African life the other side of the main street from their Durban team hotel. Before they headed from the city centre up the coast to Umhlanga Rocks, the team spent Sunday morning wandering around an African market. One stall which caught their attention sold machetes, cattle prodders and stun guns. Several Wallabies forwards had a game of "scissors, paper, rock" to see who would volunteer to endure the cattle prodder test on their backside. Several members of the Australian media immediately fled. The lifts in the Wallabies team hotel in Durban also resembled something out of Fawlty Towers - and that residence didn't even have lifts. Players and team management disappeared for hours trying to get to and from their rooms. Some even thought about sleeping in the lift - as it would have saved time.

Godly visions In the Durban Test program, former Wallaby Dick Cocks wrote about his former teammate Mark Loane. One of the more extravagant of Wallaby captains, Cocks revealed that Loane was originally called "Lars" because he looked like a big Scandinavian woodcutter. He then became known as "God". During his first Test, according to Cocks, "Lars showed his maturity by turning to his captain and informing him that he had just found two cents." Then shortly after he was "replaced on our three-Test tour of Europe by a Scotsman, who played the bagpipes in one of the selectors' favourite pubs in Sydney. No one else had ever heard of him." Wonder who that is?

Away with the fairies The "what's doing" quote of the week goes to the Springbok coach Peter de Villiers, and his pathetic explanation about why South Africa perform badly away from home. "It [travelling] will always favour them [Australia and New Zealand]. When they come here, the time difference favours them. They gain a day, but we lose a day when we fly there." Surely, he can't be serious.

Final whistle One of R@M's favourite referees, George Ayoub, is about to whistle his last game, with tomorrow's West Harbour-Eastwood match his farewell. After 160 first-grade games, two grand finals and four Tests, Ayoub is bowing out but his dulcet tones may still be heard, as he has lately become an international video referee.

Rumour of the week The Waratahs, relieved that they can lure overseas players, are sniffing around notorious Japanese hardman Shogo Kikuchi. We hear a Waratah delegation will shortly head to Ryde International Stadium to watch Shogo strike fear in opposing Sydney club packs.